Jan. 6th, 2009

foalstory: (Ally - goodbyes)
January 3rd, 2007.

I couldn't get to the clinic soon enough or late enough. I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew I did want photos. Whatever semblance of mind I had left on this date, I had sense enough to grab the point & shoot and the mini tripod that I could strap onto a fence or some such. I'd done the same for Dot the day or two before I put her down and I knew how much those photos had helped.

What I didn't expect was that even now, two years later, the photos are like a kick in the gut and hurt like hell. But this is part of my healing and grief process, so I'm going to do the most difficult step:

tired and done

too thin


last one ever:

I didn't know what else to do, but I waited until I was almost impatient, but in a dread-filled way. I wanted to let him go, let him be free. But goddamned it hurt.

Dr. Hammer finished up his morning rounds and came to find me. He handled everything very well -- I let him know that I'd done this before and wanted to be there. He was a bit surprised at that, but accepting. I just asked him what he needed from me (holding the head, etc) and to tell me when he put the final drugs in so that I'd Know.

cut for explicit details )

I stood. We removed his halter. Dr. Hammer asked if I wanted any hair or such -- I'd already taken some, because I wanted to snip while he was alive, not dead. I turned and walked away.

Ally was now my angel.


Jan. 6th, 2009 07:43 pm
foalstory: (Ally headshot)
A year later, for Christmas I got this box from Rhiannon. It holds two of my favorite photos that capture 'him' as well as the locks of hair:

it's a good comfort to have around :)


foalstory: (Default)

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